He has just posted this, I really need to give him a gentle thump I think. 
============================= The RSPCC (Royal Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Cwmbranians) again issued the following guidelines for gift seekers this year. This follows increasing concerns that people are giving lesser-spotted Dewi’s as gifts without thought to the long-term consequences of caring for them as permanent family members. “Many people just don’t think things through like proper socialists do”, said Leighton Tuk, full-time Dewi enthusiast. “We’ve recovered many lesser-spotted Dewi’s that have just been dumped dressed as Ospreys in the deep bracken surrounding Pontypool Park. They keep making random refereeing signals. It’s very sad.” Mr Tuk, who first became enthused by the Dewi when he visited the far East of the country on an anthropological investigation into the cultural remedies for double vision, explained the great benefits of a properly cared-for Dewi. “Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer, and immediately wrap it around your shoulders. This is the feeling you will get when your Dewi falls asleep on your lap, when you hold and cuddle and nuzzle and get kisses from him. There is nothing in the world like Dewi breath and Dewi love. Those who know it are truly blessed.” “There is nothing like the unconditional love of a Dewi,” he went on, warming to the subject. “Once you hold the heart of a Dewi and he holds yours you have it all. But you’ve got to give to receive it. Love and be loved. Trust and be trusted, and all that goes with it. It’s an enormous undertaking, but the rewards are unparalleled. These Dewis love you in spite of yourself, but they deserve the best you’ve got, so you have to work at it. It’s a bonafide relationship one of the most important you will ever have. Your Dewi will never willingly leave you. He will always love you, always want you, and always need you no matter how you look or how you smell. He will lie right beside you no matter how sick you are. You owe him the same. For life”. Mr Tuk hopes the warning will create awareness among those thinking of buying Dewis as novelty gifts. He said the following tests would help to determine if you thought a Dewi was for you: • Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places, and walk around barefoot or wearing socks in the dark. Step in cold places over and over, swearing profusely. Then get out the brush and cleaning fluid. Commence scrubbing. Sometimes the stains will lift; sometimes not. Make sure you’re okay with this. • Wear socks that are shredded in many places, particularly missing toes and heels. No elastic allowed. Do this many days in a row, and make sure that, too, is okay. • Rip and/or run the calves of every pair of panty hose owned, but don’t realize this until you put them on, or don’t have it happen until you are walking out the door, ten minutes late for something. • Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, “Be a good Dewi; make good boy! Hurry up! Come on, let’s go!” Dance in place while the wind blows up your bare legs, under your nightshirt. • Cover all your best suits and sweaters with Dewi hair. Dark suits/sweaters must use white hair, and light suits/sweaters must use dark hair. Also float some hair in your first cup of coffee or tea in the morning. Try to remove it before swallowing. • Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of the forthcoming England/Wales game, and run to the door shouting, “No, no! Do that OUTSIDE!” Miss the end of the game. This will happen while you are talking on the telephone, too. • Get a recording of little yapping/whining noises. Put tape player in a crate, and keep it going all night long. At least for a few nights. If you can’t take it, bring a few eggs to bed, and try sleeping next to them without crushing them. • Be prepared for anything. You never know what a Dewi is going to do. No matter how ready you think you are, he will always be one step ahead of you. For those who want to know the joy of a Dewi, please follow the link:
Remember, a Dewi is for life, not just for christmas.